Saturday, May 12, 2007

Emotional Incest: Mother's Boy; Mama's Boy; Mother-Bonded Syndrome & Codependency

Saturday, May 12, 2007
Emotional Incest: Mother's Boy; Mama's Boy; Mother-Bonded Syndrome & Codependency

This blog carries a compilation of information from other websites so that you can do further research. PLEASE, seek professional help when dealing with any emotional issues.

This blog deals only with "Mother's Boy" A boy or man who allows his mother to have to much influence over him. They are men who can not emotionally bond with their wives and maintain a healthily partnership with a woman. As children it makes them feel important and powerful, but they are vulnerable and become the prefect victim of emotional abuse. *We will not deal with the "Daddy's Little Princess" syndrome.

Nuggets of my "life experiences" and what I have come to know as the truth of this syndrome while trying to co-exist with my spouse who is a MB {Mother's Boy} will be posted here.

It is needful to get this information to the public to let them know that emotional abuse does exist and that others are in the same situation and hurting too! This is a very common type abuse but rarely ever dealt with. The day has come that we need to have peace in our homes with our families in tact! We need trained professionals to help us cope and deal with this type of emotional abuse. I am not a professional nor do I claim to be. PLEASE seek out professional counsel.

If the marriage produces offspring then the pattern is usually repeated through each generation, unless that abuse is broken.

DEFINITIONS:
Enmeshment = The condition of being entangled or implicated, as to much bonding with a parent and child, twisted together or entwined into a confusing mass. The one parent builds an alliance with the child against the other parent. According to the research the mother usually picks the eldest of her sons.

Codependency = A set of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors learned by family members to survive in an emotionally painful and stressful environment. These behaviors are passed on from generation to generation whether alcoholism is present or not.
www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz/Atoz/dc/caz/suba/alco/glossary.jsp

According to Bourne, "Co-dependency can be defined as the tendency to put others needs before your own. You accommodate to others to such a degree that you tend to discount or ignore your own feelings, desires and basic needs. Your self-esteem depends largely on how well you please, take care of and/or solve problems for someone else (or many others)." http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8110_cod.html

Do you punish the people who make you feel sad?

If a son becomes mother's emotional partner, a mother's boy is complete.

Are you ready to change? Or do you know someone who needs help? http://soulwork.net/

Here is a excerpt by Michael Douglas:
http://theladiesway.blogspot.com/2007/03/apple-of-mommas-eyes-is-your-man-glued.html

CONCERNS:
Seek out professional help
Reading is only a base or starting point
Need to rebuild self-esteem
New relationships built with family members

BOOKS {of Interest &/or that were recommended}:
{Some of these I have ordered}
1)Adult children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families by John C. Friel

2)Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner

3)Dance of Intimacy by Harriet Lerner

4)Silently Seduced: When Parents Make their Children Partners- Understanding Covert Incest by Kenneth Adams

5)When He's Married to Mom: How to help Mother-Enmeshed Men Open their Hearts to True Love and Commitment by Kenneth Adams

*6)Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse by Gregory L. Jantz, Ann McMurray
***(This book was printed in 2003 and covers information on verbal abuse, based on a son who couldn't live up to his fathers standard for him and kills himself also self check quizzes; gives keys to rebuilding relationships; a biblical plan for healing; etc.)

*7) Father-Daughter Incest byJudith Lewis Herman, M.D.
***(This book was printed in 1981 and deals with sexual incest. It "refutes the view that incest is fundamentally harmless" & "the patriarchal father dominating the home with absolute authority and free to view his children as his personal possessions.")

All of these books are listed for reference information not counseling. My reasoning for leaving books 6 & 7 listed are as follows: In ordering these books online and reading through them shows trying to find specific books dealing with "Emotional Incest" is NOT going to be an easy find, because some of the titles can be very misleading when ordering over the internet!

*Books posted here as 6 & 7 are totally off the mark and not dealing with "Emotional Incest."

*Always seek out a professional in the matters of the heart.
*I will give my review of each book as it comes in and I read it.

I would be interested in finding some other Biblically based material on Emotional Abuse. I will post what I find when I find, here is page (1) one.

http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/DetailSearch.asp?mscssid=XL1GM4NBGDA68M3MSLX54FP6RQKC1HX4

Please post any comments/suggestions that you might have on the subject and I will be sure to see them.

Sites to research for information on Emotional Incest/abuse:
Amazon.com - Many books have excerpts for previewing. Answers.com
Askmen.com
Christianbook.com
Healthatoz.com
Lifewaystores.com
Marriagebuilders.com
Soulwork.net

14 comments:

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This is great info to know.

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Anonymous said...

There is another excellent book called the invisible presence how a man's relationship with his mother affects all his relationships with women. This is great for men who want to work on themselves. It has many exercises in it, but also has a lot of precise information.

It goes from understanding how a son's relationship with his mother affects the rest of his life. Furthermore it gives a ton of information on how to heal the relationship with mom.

EXCELLENT READ.

Your post was great I really enjoyed it keep up the great work!!!